If you spot it in others, you also have it in you. This is true for the positive qualities in others and the qualities of which you are most critical. “You spot it, you got it” is a powerful phrase to keep in mind when we find ourselves being critical or complimentary. What do you notice most about others? An example, there may be someone in your life in which you easily see what you perceive to be their negative qualities, such as procrastination or being judgmental. When you see these things in another, it is important to hold a mirror up and be truly honest with yourself and ask, “When or where in my life do I (or have I in the past) demonstrated these qualities?” This is not to beat ourselves up, it is to increase our self-awareness and compassion for ourselves and for others in our lives.
When we become aware that we do these things too…it can be easier to have empathy and relate to what we are witnessing in another person. For another example, you may easily see positive qualities in others, such as noticing when someone is kind, or demonstrates integrity and honesty. If you see those qualities in others it is because they are also in you. Again, hold up the mirror and appreciate the times in your life when you demonstrate these qualities. Another important step in this development of your self awareness and compassion for others is to pay attention to your patterns of noticing. Do you tend to notice the worst in people first or do you see the genuine diamond in each of us? If your pattern is generally critical, take a look at what might be going on inside and strive to balance this view with seeing more positive qualities.
Additionally, if you only see what you perceive to be the positive qualities it will be difficult for you to know people as full human beings with opportunities to learn and grow. This is especially important if you are in a leadership position. Be aware of what you are modeling on a daily basis – people are paying attention whether you think they are or not. Empowerment Coaching is a powerful way to increase your self-awareness and understanding of your impact on those around you. It can also increase your communication effectiveness. Reach out to Shelley to discuss how coaching can help you.